we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
