I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
