why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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