PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
