My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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