dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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