I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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