Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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