doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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