My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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