Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
