real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
