I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
