i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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