and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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