Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we should paint friendship bongs
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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