I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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