just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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