Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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