I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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