i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
