where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
