so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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