Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
