I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize