we're making bets on your personal life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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