You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
