you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
