the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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