thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
