There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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