i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
