we have pet lesbian snakes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
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It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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