her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
