Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
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He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
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Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?