I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life