Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
