i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
honey bunches of taint.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
