You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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