Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
