So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
