i think my tv is drunk
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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