he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pants are for mortals
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
