Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
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He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
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He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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