sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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