you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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