This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
