My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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