i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
