how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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