Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
