meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
