Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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