But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
