dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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